The Personal CRM I Built to Remember Everyone (When My Brain Won't)

"Great to see you again!" he said, extending his hand warmly.

I had absolutely no idea who he was.

We'd definitely met before—his familiarity made that clear. Was it a conference? A Zoom call? Had he invested in my company? Was he someone's co-founder?

My brain supplied nothing. Just panic and the desperate hope that context clues would rescue me before I had to admit I'd completely forgotten him.

This happens to me constantly.

It's not rudeness. It's not lack of care. It's that my ADHD working memory can barely hold "remember to make eye contact and smile" whilst simultaneously encoding "store this person's name, company, and context for future retrieval."

One task works. Both tasks simultaneously? Information doesn't get encoded. I walk away from conversations having genuinely enjoyed them but retained almost nothing.

This is catastrophic for networking.

Relationships compound over time. Remembering previous conversations shows you value the person. Following up on topics they mentioned demonstrates attention. Introducing relevant contacts requires remembering who knows what.

My brain can't do this naturally. So I built a system that does it for me.

Here's my personal CRM—the external memory system that compensates for the internal one I don't have.

Why Traditional Networking Advice Fails for Memory Issues

Standard networking advice assumes your brain retains information:

"Follow up within 48 hours mentioning something from your conversation"
"Introduce people who'd benefit from knowing each other"
"Ask about their current projects when you reconnect"

All excellent advice. All requiring that you remember the conversation, the person's interests, and their context.

If your memory doesn't cooperate, you're functionally unable to network effectively—despite having perfectly good social skills and genuine interest in people.

The working memory challenge:

Encoding failure: Information doesn't get stored because working memory is occupied by the social interaction itself
Retrieval failure: Information was stored but can't be accessed when needed
Context dependence: You remember the person when you see their face but not their name, or vice versa
Interference: New information overwrites old (meet 5 people at an event, remember only the last one)

The result: You appear disengaged or careless when you're actually just memory-impaired.

"I thought successful networking was about being extroverted and charismatic. Turns out it's mostly about having a good filing system." — Entrepreneur, 12 years building startups

What Is a Personal CRM?

CRM = Customer Relationship Management. Sales teams use CRMs (Salesforce, HubSpot) to track prospects, conversations, and follow-ups.

Personal CRM = the same concept, but for your entire professional network.

What it captures:

Who: Name, company, role, photo
Context: How you met, when, where
Topics: What you discussed, their interests, their challenges
Follow-ups: What you committed to, what they committed to
Relationship strength: How well you know them, last contact date
Connectors: Who else in your network knows them

What it enables:

Pre-meeting prep: Review notes before reconnecting so you're not starting from zero
Intelligent introductions: Search "who in my network works in fintech?" and actually know the answer
Follow-through: Track commitments you made so nothing falls through cracks
Relationship maintenance: Surface people you haven't contacted recently
Context recovery: "I know I met someone at that conference who worked on X..." — searchable

The goal: Offload memory work to external system so your brain can focus on the actual conversation.

My Personal CRM System (Full Setup)

I've tried Notion, Airtable, spreadsheets, and dedicated apps. Here's what currently works:

Tool: Notion database (but framework works in any database tool)

Why Notion:

Flexible enough to adapt as needs evolve
Mobile app for capture in the moment
Relations allow connecting people to events, companies, projects
Searchable across all fields
Free tier sufficient for personal use

Database Structure:

People Database (core table):

| Field | Type | Purpose | |-------|------|---------| | Name | Title | Full name | | Company | Text | Current employer/company | | Role | Text | Their job title | | Photo | File | Profile picture (aids recognition) | | How we met | Text | Conference, intro from X, LinkedIn, etc. | | Met date | Date | When we first connected | | Last contact | Date | Most recent interaction | | Contact strength | Select | Close / Regular / Occasional / Dormant | | Topics discussed | Multi-select | AI, productivity, ADHD, SaaS, etc. | | Their interests | Text | What they're working on/care about | | Follow-ups | Text | Commitments I made or they made | | Next action | Text | What to do next time we talk | | LinkedIn URL | URL | Direct link to profile | | Email | Email | Contact email | | Introduced to | Relation | Links to other people I've introduced them to | | Met at events | Relation | Links to Events database | | Notes | Long text | Free-form notes from conversations |

Events Database (supporting table):

| Field | Purpose | |-------|---------| | Event name | Conference, meetup, dinner, etc. | | Date | When it happened | | People met | Relation to People database | | Key takeaways | What I learned/observed |

Companies Database (optional supporting table):

Useful if you track companies (investors, potential clients, partners).

Links people to companies they work for.

Capture Workflow (During/Immediately After Meeting):

This only works if capture is frictionless. If it requires 20 minutes at a computer, it won't happen.

Step 1: Business card or phone note (in the moment)

If they give a business card, photo it immediately
If no card, open Notion mobile and create quick entry:
- Name, company, role
- One-line reminder of context ("Met at SaaS conference, interested in ADHD productivity")

Time: 30 seconds

Do this while you're still at the event, ideally within 2 minutes of meeting them. Waiting until later = you'll forget.

Step 2: Full entry (within 24 hours)

Add to Notion People database
Fill in all fields:
- How we met, date
- Topics we discussed (tag relevant topics)
- Their current projects/interests
- Any commitments (I said I'd intro them to X, they said they'd send me Y)
- Next action (specific thing to do next time we connect)
Add profile photo (screenshot from LinkedIn or their website)
Link to relevant event
Set reminder for follow-up

Time: 3-5 minutes per person

Step 3: Follow-up action (within 48 hours)

If I committed to anything (send article, make intro, share resource), do it now while it's fresh.

Mark it in the Follow-ups field: "Sent intro to Sarah (2024-07-15)"

This prevents "I'm sure I was supposed to send someone something..." guilt cycles.

Real Example: Full Entry

Name: Jessica Chen

Company: Adaptive Labs

Role: Head of Product

Photo: [LinkedIn screenshot]

How we met: Introduction from Michael at ProductTank meetup

Met date: 2024-06-12

Last contact: 2024-07-10 (LinkedIn message)

Contact strength: Regular

Topics discussed: ADHD productivity tools, design systems, AI product development

Their interests:

Building AI-powered onboarding tools for SaaS
Previously worked at Notion, interested in their approach to AI features
Neurodivergent-friendly product design
Based in Manchester, travels to London monthly

Follow-ups:

[✓] Send article on Notion's AI strategy (sent 2024-06-13)
[✓] Intro to Sarah who's building similar onboarding tools (sent 2024-06-20)
[ ] Schedule coffee next time she's in London

Next action: Ask about how Adaptive's AI onboarding pilot went (she mentioned they were launching it in July)

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/jessicachen

Email: jessica@adaptivelabs.com

Introduced to: Sarah Johnson (Founder, OnboardFlow)

Met at events: ProductTank London June 2024

Notes:

Mentioned struggling with ADHD tax (~£8k last year in late fees/impulse purchases)
Asked about Chaos—seems like strong fit for her workflow
Loves mechanical keyboards (we bonded over this)
Her company just raised Series A (£3M)

With this entry, I can:

Reconnect 6 months later and immediately remember context
Search "who do I know building onboarding tools?" → Jessica appears
See I haven't contacted her in 30 days → maybe send follow-up
Reference specific details ("How did the AI onboarding pilot go?") that make her feel remembered

Capture Tactics That Actually Work

The system only works if you use it. Here's what makes capture happen consistently:

Tactic 1: Business Card Photo → Immediate Notion Entry

When someone hands you a business card:

Take photo with phone
Immediately open Notion mobile
Create new People entry
Title = their name (from card)
Add one-sentence reminder of what you talked about
Add photo of business card to entry

Time: 60 seconds

Do this whilst still talking to them if possible ("Let me save your details so I don't lose this card"). People interpret this as "you're important" not "I'm rude."

Tactic 2: Calendar Block for "CRM Entry" After Every Networking Event

If you attend a conference, meetup, or dinner with new people:

Block 30 minutes on your calendar immediately after
Use that time to create full entries for everyone you met
Don't wait. Memory fades exponentially.

Tactic 3: Voice Note → Notion Entry

If typing feels too high-friction:

Record voice note immediately after conversation ("Just met Jessica Chen, Head of Product at Adaptive Labs, we talked about ADHD productivity and AI onboarding tools")
Later (ideally same day), transcribe key points into Notion entry

Tools like Otter or MacWhisper can auto-transcribe.

Tactic 4: LinkedIn Connection Request = CRM Entry Trigger

Workflow:

Connect with someone on LinkedIn
Immediately create Notion entry for them
Use LinkedIn profile to auto-fill company, role, photo

This creates 1:1 mapping: everyone on LinkedIn is in your CRM.

Tactic 5: Weekly CRM Review (15 minutes)

Every Friday, 15-minute review:

Who did I talk to this week that's not yet in the CRM? (Add them)
Who did I promise follow-ups to? (Check if I did them)
Any dormant relationships worth reactivating? (Send a message)

This catches anything that slipped through real-time capture.

How to Use Your Personal CRM (Not Just Maintain It)

Building the database is useful. Using it is transformative.

Use Case 1: Pre-Meeting Prep

You have coffee scheduled with someone next Tuesday.

Before the system: You show up remembering vaguely that you met at a conference. You ask generic questions. They have to re-explain their company.

With the system:

Search their name in Notion
Read previous conversation notes
Check "Next action" field for what to ask about
Review any intros you made or commitments from last time

Meeting quality: Immediately higher. You're building on previous conversation, not starting over.

Example:

Entry says: "Last time we talked, she was piloting AI onboarding tools and struggling with user adoption."

You open with: "How did that AI onboarding pilot go? Last time we talked you were just launching it."

She lights up because you remembered. The conversation goes deeper faster.

Use Case 2: Intelligent Introductions

Someone asks: "Do you know anyone building in the productivity space?"

Without system: "Uh... maybe? Let me think..."

With system:

Search Notion: Topics discussed contains "productivity"
Review results
Filter by Contact strength = Close or Regular (don't intro people you barely know)
Find 2-3 strong matches
Message them: "I think you should meet Jessica—she's building AI productivity tools and you're both working on similar challenges."

Bonus: Because you have notes on each person, you can write warm intros that explain why they should meet.

Use Case 3: Relationship Maintenance

Filter your People database:

Last contact older than 90 days
Contact strength = Close or Regular

These are relationships that might atrophy if you don't reach out.

Send a low-key reconnection message:

"Hey! Realised it's been a few months since we last talked. How's [specific thing they were working on]?"

The "specific thing" comes from your notes. This transforms generic "how are you?" into personalised reconnection.

Use Case 4: Event Follow-Up

After attending a conference, filter:

Met at events = [Conference name]
Follow-ups is not empty

Shows everyone you met who you owe follow-through to.

Prevents the classic "I'm sure I was supposed to send someone something but I can't remember who or what."

Use Case 5: Searchable Expertise Map

Someone mentions they're struggling to hire a designer.

Search: Role contains "design"

→ Results show every designer in your network.

You can make relevant intros because you actually know who knows what.

Advanced: Relationship Strength Scoring

Not all relationships are equal. Some people you're close to. Others you met once and never reconnected.

Tracking relationship strength helps prioritise attention.

My Relationship Strength Categories:

| Strength | Definition | Maintenance Frequency | |----------|------------|----------------------| | Close | Regular contact, mutual support, genuine friendship | Monthly check-in | | Regular | Periodic contact, professionally valuable, warm relationship | Quarterly check-in | | Occasional | Met a few times, positive interactions, but infrequent | Yearly check-in or as-needed | | Dormant | Was stronger previously, fell out of touch | Reactivation candidate | | Cold | Met once, minimal relationship | No active maintenance |

How I use this:

Close relationships: Never let go >30 days without contact
Regular relationships: Quarterly check-in (4× per year)
Occasional: Yearly "How's it going?" message
Dormant: Review quarterly—any worth reactivating?
Cold: No proactive maintenance, but keep notes in case they resurface

Automation:

Create Notion formula field: Days since last contact

Set up filter view: "Relationships needing attention"

Close + >30 days since contact
Regular + >90 days since contact

Review this view weekly. Send reconnection messages.

Handling the "This Feels Manipulative" Concern

Common objection: "Isn't this fake? Shouldn't I just genuinely remember people?"

My response:

Yes, ideally your brain would naturally remember everyone. Mine doesn't. The choice is:

Option A: Rely on broken memory → forget people → damage relationships → appear uncaring

Option B: Use external system → remember people → strengthen relationships → demonstrate care

The system doesn't create fake caring. It enables authentic caring to persist beyond my brain's limitations.

Think of it like:

Glasses: You can't see well naturally, so you use glasses. This doesn't make your vision "fake."
Calendar: You can't remember all your commitments naturally, so you use a calendar. This doesn't make your time management "fake."
Personal CRM: You can't remember all your relationships naturally, so you use a database. This doesn't make your relationships "fake."

The information in the CRM is real. The conversations happened. Their interests are genuine. The commitments are actual.

The only difference is the storage location (external database vs internal memory).

Tools Comparison: What to Use

You don't need fancy software. A spreadsheet works. But here's what I've tried:

| Tool | Pros | Cons | Best For | |------|------|------|----------| | Notion | Flexible, relational databases, free tier, mobile app | Can be slow, learning curve | Power users who want customisation | | Airtable | Powerful database, great UX, templates available | Limited free tier (1,000 records) | People comfortable with databases | | Google Sheets | Simple, universally accessible, free | No mobile app quality, manual | Minimalists, low-tech preference | | Clay | Purpose-built for personal CRM, auto-enrichment | Expensive ($30+/month) | Heavy networkers who can justify cost | | Monica | Open source, privacy-focused, self-hostable | Setup complexity, less polish | Privacy-concerned tech users | | Obsidian | Markdown-based, local files, highly customisable | Steeper learning curve, manual relations | People already using Obsidian for PKM | | Dex | Beautiful UX, mobile-first, auto-sync from email/LinkedIn | $12/month, limited free tier | People who want "it just works" |

My recommendation:

Starting out? Google Sheets or Notion free tier
Serious about networking? Notion or Airtable
Want automation? Clay or Dex (if budget allows)
Privacy-focused? Monica (self-hosted)

Common Mistakes I Made (And How to Avoid Them)

Mistake 1: Too Many Fields

My first version had 30+ fields per person. Creating entries took 15 minutes. I stopped using it.

Fix: Start with minimum viable fields:

Name, company, role
How we met
Last contact date
Notes

Add more fields only when you need them.

Mistake 2: No Mobile Capture Workflow

I'd think "I'll add them when I get home." I never did.

Fix: Mobile capture must be frictionless. Notion mobile, voice notes, photos of business cards—whatever works.

Mistake 3: Letting It Get Stale

Built the system, used it for 2 months, abandoned it. Then couldn't trust the data ("is this email still current?").

Fix: Weekly 15-minute review. Even if you didn't meet anyone new, reviewing keeps it alive.

Mistake 4: Not Recording Next Actions

I'd document the conversation but not what to do next. So I'd have context but no forward momentum.

Fix: Every entry needs "Next action"—specific thing to ask/do next time.

Mistake 5: Being Too Formal

Early entries read like FBI dossiers. Sterile, transactional, weird.

Fix: Write like you're texting a friend. "Loves mechanical keyboards, has a dog named Biscuit, hates early morning meetings."

FAQs

Q: How many people should be in my CRM?

Varies wildly by role. I have ~450. Some people have 50, some have 2,000.

Quality > quantity. Better to have 50 people with great notes than 500 empty entries.

Q: Should I include personal friends or only professional contacts?

Your choice. I separate them (professional CRM for work relationships, different system for personal). Others combine them.

Q: What if someone finds out I'm tracking them?

I've been asked about this at conferences ("Do you have a system for remembering everyone?"). I explain honestly: "Yes, I use Notion to track conversations because my memory's terrible. It helps me remember what we talked about so I can follow up meaningfully."

No one has ever reacted negatively. Most ask for my template.

Q: How do I backfill people I met before starting this system?

Go through LinkedIn connections. Add anyone you genuinely remember and want to maintain relationship with.

Don't try to backfill everyone—focus on active/valuable relationships.

Q: What about GDPR or privacy concerns?

Personal CRM for personal use (not commercial) generally doesn't trigger GDPR. But check your jurisdiction.

Use information people shared publicly or directly with you. Don't include sensitive personal information they'd be uncomfortable with you recording.

Q: Is this worth the time investment?

For me: unquestionably. I spend ~2 hours/month on CRM maintenance. Return: strengthened relationships, better introductions, zero "who was that person?" anxiety.

If you network regularly, yes. If you rarely meet new people professionally, maybe not.

TL;DR: Building a personal CRM when your brain won't remember

Why it matters: Networking compounds over time. Memory failures damage relationships. External system compensates for internal memory limitations.

Core system:

Database tool (Notion, Airtable, or spreadsheet)
Essential fields: Name, company, how you met, topics discussed, last contact, next action
Capture workflow: Business card photo → immediate note → full entry within 24 hours
Weekly review: 15 minutes to maintain quality

How to use:

Pre-meeting prep: Review notes before reconnecting
Intelligent intros: Search expertise and make relevant connections
Relationship maintenance: Filter by "last contact" to find dormant relationships
Follow-through: Track commitments so nothing falls through cracks

This isn't manipulation—it's accessibility technology for memory impairment.

Chaos integrates with your networking workflow by surfacing relationship maintenance reminders when you have capacity. Context-aware prompts help you reconnect at the right time. Start your free 14-day trial.