I Have RSD. Here Are the Scripts That Let Me Say No Without Spiralling.
Three years ago, a colleague asked if I could take on an urgent project. My capacity was already maxed. I should've said no. Instead, I said yes—because the thought of disappointing her sent my nervous system into fight-or-flight. I stayed up until 2am for three nights, delivered mediocre work, and nearly burnt out.
This is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria: the ADHD-related phenomenon where perceived rejection triggers disproportionate emotional pain. At work, it manifests as chronic overcommitment, inability to disagree, and panic at any feedback.
I couldn't "just set boundaries." The RSD response overrode rational thought. These scripts saved me: pre-written responses that bypass the emotional hijack and let me protect my capacity without spiralling.
What Is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)?
RSD is extreme emotional sensitivity to perceived rejection or criticism. Not ordinary disappointment—a neurological response that can feel physically painful.
Research by Dr. William Dodson suggests 99% of ADHD adults experience RSD symptoms. It's not being "too sensitive"—it's altered dopamine regulation combined with emotional dysregulation inherent to ADHD.
The physical symptoms are real: chest tightness, nausea, panic, shutdown. Your body responds as if rejection is a survival threat because, neurologically, it registers that way.
Key distinction: this isn't learned behaviour or trauma response (though those can coexist). It's neurological, involuntary, and not fixable through willpower alone.
How RSD Manifests at Work
Pattern 1: Chronic Overcommitment. Can't say no to requests because rejection feels unbearable. You take on more than capacity allows. Burnout from people-pleasing.
Pattern 2: Inability to Disagree. Avoid conflict even when you're right. Go along with bad ideas to maintain approval. Suppress expertise to avoid being labelled "difficult."
Pattern 3: Feedback Catastrophising. Constructive criticism feels like personal attack. One negative comment erases 100 positive ones. Spiral into "I'm going to get fired" thoughts from minor feedback.
Pattern 4: Over-Apologising. Say "sorry" 30 times per day. Apologise for things that aren't mistakes. Constant signalling of low status to avoid rejection.
Pattern 5: Rejection Anticipation. Assume people are annoyed before evidence exists. Interpret neutral faces as disapproval. Withdraw preemptively to avoid anticipated rejection.
Why "Just Set Boundaries" Doesn't Work for RSD
RSD activates the amygdala (fight-or-flight) faster than the prefrontal cortex (rational thought) can intervene. By the time you think "I should say no," you've already said yes.
Neurotypical boundary advice assumes emotional regulation we don't have:
- "Just be assertive" requires accessing calm that RSD hijacks
- "They'll respect you more" doesn't help when rejection feels life-threatening
- "Practice makes perfect" ignores that each attempt triggers trauma response
Willpower can't override survival response. We need systems that bypass the emotional hijack entirely.
The Script-Based Solution: Why It Works
Pre-written scripts work for RSD because they reduce cognitive load at exactly the moment when cognitive function is compromised.
Cognitive load reduction. Pre-written means no decision-making in the high-stress moment. Memorised responses bypass emotional hijack because they don't require generating words whilst panicking.
Plausible deniability. Scripts provide non-rejection explanations. "I'm at capacity" is different from "I don't want to help you." The script protects the relationship whilst protecting the boundary.
Validation buffering. Scripts include validation for the requester. Acknowledging their need whilst declining reduces guilt that triggers RSD spiral.
The 15 Essential Workplace Boundary Scripts
Script 1: Declining Additional Work When at Capacity
The RSD trap: "If I say no, they'll think I'm lazy/uncommitted/not a team player."
The script: "I'd love to help with this, and I can see why it's important. I'm currently committed to [X, Y, Z] through [date]. I could take this on starting [later date], or if it's urgent, I can help you identify someone else who has capacity right now. Which would work better?"
Why it works: Validates their request first. Provides objective constraint (current commitments, not personal rejection). Offers alternatives (shows willingness to help).
Script 2: Pushing Back on Unrealistic Deadline
The RSD trap: "If I say this deadline is impossible, they'll think I'm incompetent."
The script: "I want to make sure I deliver quality work on this. Based on the scope, I estimate I'll need [realistic timeline] to do it justice. If the deadline is fixed at [their date], I'd need to reduce scope to [specific items]. Which would you prefer: original scope with more time, or reduced scope by the deadline?"
Why it works: Frames as quality concern (not personal limitation). Provides options (gives them control). Demonstrates professionalism through estimation.
Script 3: Disagreeing With a Decision in Meeting
The RSD trap: "If I contradict them, everyone will think I'm difficult."
The script: "I appreciate the thinking behind this approach. One consideration I'd add: [your point]. How do we want to weigh [their approach] against [your concern]?"
Why it works: Validates their idea first. Frames disagreement as "additional consideration," not contradiction. Collaborative tone invites discussion rather than conflict.
Script 4: Receiving Critical Feedback
The RSD trap: Feedback equals evidence you're terrible at your job and about to be fired.
Self-script (internal): "This is data about one specific piece of work, not a verdict on my worth. They're investing time in my improvement because they want me to succeed. I'll ask clarifying questions."
Response script: "Thank you for this feedback. To make sure I implement it correctly, can you give me an example of what [better version] would look like?"
Why it works: Self-script interrupts catastrophising. Response shows receptiveness (not defensiveness). Asking for examples buys processing time.
Script 5: Requesting Deadline Extension
The RSD trap: "I said I'd deliver. Now I'm failing. They'll never trust me again."
The script: "I'm reaching out early because I want to make sure we get the best outcome here. I've hit [specific unexpected obstacle] that's impacted my timeline. I can deliver [partial deliverable] by [original date], or the complete version by [new date]. What's most valuable to you?"
Why it works: "Reaching out early" signals responsibility, not failure. External obstacle (not personal failure) explains the situation. Options maintain their agency.
Script 6: Declining Social Work Event
The RSD trap: "If I skip team drinks, they'll think I don't like them."
The script: "Thanks for the invite—I appreciate being included. I'm going to skip this one, but I'm looking forward to [next event/upcoming project together]."
Why it works: Acknowledges appreciation. No explanation required (avoids over-justifying). Signals future engagement.
Script 7: Requesting Accommodation
The RSD trap: "If I ask for accommodations, they'll see me as a burden."
The script: "I wanted to discuss a working arrangement that would help me deliver my best work. I focus best with [specific accommodation]. I've found this helps me [specific outcome benefit to them]. Would you be open to trying this?"
Why it works: Frames as performance optimisation, not disability accommodation. Explains benefit to them. Low-commitment ask ("trying this").
Script 8: Declining to Answer Outside Work Hours
The RSD trap: "If I don't respond immediately, they'll think I don't care about the team."
Auto-response script: "I've received your message and will respond during my working hours [times]. For urgent issues outside these hours, please contact [emergency backup]."
Why it works: Automation removes in-the-moment decision. Sets expectation proactively. Provides alternative for genuine emergencies.
Script 9: Correcting Your Own Mistake
The RSD trap: "I made a mistake. I'm a failure. I need to apologise 100 times."
The script: "I found an error in [deliverable]: [specific issue]. I've corrected it to [fix], and I'm implementing [specific change to process] to prevent recurrence. The updated version is [location]. Let me know if you have questions."
Why it works: States issue factually (no over-apologising). Shows immediate correction plus prevention. Demonstrates ownership without shame spiral.
Script 10: Asking Clarifying Questions
The RSD trap: "If I ask, they'll realise I don't understand and think I'm incompetent."
The script: "Before I start, I want to make sure I'm aligned with your vision. When you say [their vague instruction], do you mean [interpretation A] or [interpretation B]?"
Why it works: Frames as alignment check (not comprehension failure). Demonstrates thoughtfulness. Providing options shows you've already considered the task.
Scripts 11-15: Quick Reference
Script 11: Declining non-essential meeting: "I'm going to skip this one to stay focused on [current priority]. Can someone share notes after?"
Script 12: Pushing back on scope creep: "That's a great addition. To fit this in, I'd need to drop [X] or extend timeline by [Y]. What's the priority?"
Script 13: Setting work-from-home boundary: "I'm most productive on heads-down work when I'm remote. I'll plan to be in office for collaborative days."
Script 14: Declining to take notes (when you always do it): "I'm going to focus on participating this time—could someone else take notes?"
Script 15: Requesting written confirmation: "Just to make sure we're aligned, can you send an email confirming [what was decided]?"
Practising These Scripts Without Feeling Fake
The authenticity concern is real. Scripts can feel inauthentic, performative, not-really-you.
Reframe: RSD distorts your "authentic" response. Your immediate emotional reaction—panic, people-pleasing, over-apologising—isn't your values. It's a neurological hijack.
Scripts express what you would say if RSD weren't overriding your intentions. They're more authentic than the panic response, not less.
Practice method:
- Write the scripts down
- Read aloud 5 times until comfortable
- Practice with a safe person (partner, therapist, friend)
- Use in low-stakes situation first
- Expect discomfort—discomfort doesn't mean wrongness
What If They React Badly to My Boundary?
Reaction 1: They respect it. Most likely outcome. RSD predicts rejection that rarely materialises. Healthy workplaces expect boundaries.
Reaction 2: Mild disappointment. Normal and acceptable. Not every "no" will delight people. Their disappointment is not your responsibility.
Reaction 3: Pushback/pressure. Repeat script calmly. Broken record technique: "I understand, and my answer remains [boundary]." If persistent, it's an escalation issue, not a you problem.
Reaction 4: Genuine anger/retaliation. Document everything. This indicates toxic workplace, not RSD overreaction. Consider whether the environment is salvageable.
The Reframe That Changed Everything
Old belief: "Setting boundaries will make people reject me."
New belief: "Not setting boundaries guarantees I'll burn out and resent everyone—including myself. The people worth working with will respect my limits. The ones who don't are showing me who they are."
Boundary-setting becomes information collection. Healthy colleagues respond well—those are the relationships to invest in. Toxic colleagues respond poorly—that's useful data about who they are.
Permission statement I repeat to myself: "I'd rather be respected for my boundaries than liked for my compliance."
When RSD Is Too Severe for Scripts Alone
If you experience:
- Physical panic attacks when considering boundaries
- Complete shutdown when receiving rejection
- Suicidal ideation after criticism
- Inability to work due to RSD severity
Escalation path:
- ADHD medication review (RSD often improves with stimulants)
- Therapy: DBT skills for emotional regulation
- Guanfacine or clonidine (off-label for RSD)
- Workplace accommodations through occupational health
Scripts help mild-to-moderate RSD. Severe RSD needs medical intervention. This isn't weakness—it's appropriate treatment for a severe symptom.
Building an RSD-Friendly Work Environment
Individual strategies:
- External validation sources (therapy, ADHD community)
- Task tracking to show accomplishments objectively
- Weekly wins document (counteracts feedback catastrophising)
- Body doubling for difficult conversations
Systemic requests (if workplace allows):
- Regular positive feedback from manager (specific, not generic)
- Written feedback where possible (processing time helps)
- Explicit acknowledgment when performance is good (RSD brains don't infer "no news is good news")
Chaos helps track your accomplishments objectively—a countermeasure to RSD feedback catastrophising. See your wins documented, build evidence against the RSD narrative. Start your free 14-day trial.